Last Tuesday, I posted my first blog in quite a long time writing about my experience with a very challenging pregnancy and how I had to put my writer dream on hold during that time. I'll explain how all of this ties into writing.
A week later, I’m still on the journey but just one week further along. During this time, I’ve reflected on how far I’ve come and I’m celebrating. Why? I’ve made it another week and I’ve posted two blogs and met some amazing people on Twitter.
24.4 represents the number of weeks and days I’m along in my pregnancy. Each day counts. Looking back on the last 24 weeks, I’ve made through every struggle with the goal of still being able to live and follow my dream of being a writer. It’s not a marathon sticker number I can put on the back of my car but I’m just as proud.
There have been three phases to the pregnancy that made my word count take a nose dive.
During the early weeks I had horrible morning sickness and I didn’t care about writing.
Next, I had walking bacterial pneumonia since my immune system was down and again, I didn’t care about writing. (Weeks are going by and no writing!)
I hit a few weeks when I felt better and started writing. Finally! It took a few hours…okay a day or two to be honest…of trying to figure out where to start again or where I left off the last time.
Last Tuesday, I mentioned that I had a third final blow and I'll attest that it nearly took me out of writing and shut off the dream.
The day was October 6th and started like every day. Ache here, hungry, getting restless about what to get done for the day. I ran errands, felt great, even dressed up (that means a nice top and jeans for me, not velour or PJs) and just felt great. Suddenly that night around 9 PM my left leg started swelling. By 11 it was 3 times the size of my right leg. My husband took me to the emergency room. After an ultrasound test came back negative for any blood clots, the nurse told me I had probably overdone it and need to take it easier.
The next day I was miserable but made it to my prenatal appointment in the morning. My doctor told me he was surprised that I didn’t have a clot because I definitely had the symptoms. My leg, still swollen, hurt and I couldn’t put a lot of pressure on it. My OB told me that if it got worse “at all” to go to the ER because even if a clot wasn’t found that one could be there, perhaps so small not caught. (That was great advice by the way.)
I went home and googled about blood clots. Do this if your gut ever tells you something is wrong. It was scary to learn read about blood clots but I believe this knowledge saved my life.
Let's skip by some time of me going to the Pumpkin Patch and sitting on a bench the whole time or just me sitting around on Saturday. By Saturday around 7:00 PM I was freaking out because my leg swelled more and turned a reddish purple color. Trust me, I WAS freaking out. I cried thinking that I was going to lose my baby, leg or life. My husband took me to the Emergency Room. The same nurse was there from the other night and her first question was to my husband, “Did she overdo it again?” Before he could respond, I firmly said, “No, and there is definitely something wrong. It’s only my left leg which is a major symptom of a blood clot.” She didn’t know this, but I had on my iphone ready via Safari the list of symptoms. Yes, I had every single symptom of what is called Deep Vein Thrombosis (DVT) or simply – a blood clot in a major vein.
This time around though, a different ultrasound technician found the clot and the Emergency Room doctor said she was happy I came in again. I was immediately admitted into the hospital and put on herapin, a blood thinner. For two nights, I did a lot of thinking.
What does this have to do with writing? Everything. I had the chance to nothing but think for two days and nights about what I wanted to live for: dreams, hopes, fears, life, kids, husband and that novel I wanted to write. The baby inside me had so much to live for as well. It was a time to dig deep on what I felt that was spiritual and supernatural. I won’t deny it. I didn’t get to death’s door but I got a bit too close to ignore it.
The sudden surge of emotions centered on the fact that I was blessed with a great job and I loved what I did. However, I also wanted to continue writing my book and let my characters come to life.
Let me add one more phase representing when I turned a corner.
I would be okay. I would write.
This isn’t over by any means. Every day I am taking two shots of blood thinners and making my rounds to visit various doctors. Tomorrow I have an appointment with the high risk doctor again. It’s scary. Again, I won’t deny it. Writing this blog has helped me feel a sense of purpose and more confidence about following my dream of writing. It's a welcome distraction. Eventually I’ll create a more seamless “My Story” about what has happened but I can’t help but share my thoughts as they occurred during such a tough time. It’s my hope that I help someone who may be going through a tough time in their writing and feel hope. Without hope, I always feel I have nothing. With writing, I feel that inner hope come alive – just like my protagonist. She’s been sitting in the chair waiting patiently for quite some time. Funny though, I swear I hear her tapping her foot waiting on me to get back to her. I better get going!
Until next time…please dream as if your life depends on it.